This past weekend our congregation had the privilege of listening to some world class music. A guest musician, known for his mastery in music, accepted our invitation to come, and what we heard from the keyboards of both piano and organ was absolutely stunning.
But I noticed something, something that I am observing more and more. We have lost a certain appropriateness. I’m not sure if this is the right word. Propriety? Politeness? Decorum? Correctness? I’m finding myself asking with increasing frequency this question–Have we as a culture become so casual we have lost a certain correctness? Lost sight of social norms?
Back to the service. While we listened to some beautiful pieces prior to the service, there were a number of ongoing conversations that also contributed to the sounds in the sanctuary. A work of art to behold was being treated by some as background music. It might not have bothered me so much if it were not for an experience I had days earlier in the same setting. It was a memorial service, and as the mourners filed in on this summer evening, I could not help but notice that they came in a mix of suits, casual dress, shorts and flip-flops.
Something is amiss here—at least to me. Maybe I am beginning to become a stuffed shirt. A fuddy-duddy. Is this something generational? A modernist struggling with postmodernity? I am fine with casual. I have little patience with people who look only on the outward; who carry a legalistic tone; who measure one’s spirituality by whether one adheres or does not adhere to no coffee in the sanctuary. But I wonder at times if we no longer know how to be proper? Does it matter? So much of contemporary style seems to be about appearing disheveled. But is this casualness really a cover for sloppy? Cool a cover for lazy? Have we succumbed to a messiness both in dress and how we socially function that is “stylish”, when in reality it is a reflection of a life that has become disordered? Have we used “authentic” to rationalize our behavior, when it is really a lack of respect, a lack of awareness, and a failure to be sensitive to the moment?
Now that I have gotten some of you angry, let me try to underscore that this is not some rant as much as it is a pursuit of sorts to figure out if we have truly lost something. I am simply asking—is there an appropriate respect for someone’s labor or someone’s memory that is no longer taught? Do we know how to be silent? Have we not pondered what it means to be reverent? Does it matter on certain occasions to be neat, smart, elegant, or natty? Is there a code of conduct for how and when to use a cell phone? We seem to have become tone deaf, no longer able to pick up the clues of what is suitable for the moment.
David Brooks, the New York columnist, noted that part of George Washington’s greatness was his commitment to a dignity code. He composed a list of 110 “rules of civility and decent behavior” (e.g. lean not upon another, read no letter, books, or papers in company, etc). For him, these were not merely a list of manners or etiquette tips. It was deeper. They were about character, inner morals. Like the list in Kostenberger’sExcellence, they are virtues we must recover, for scholarship, vocation, and life.
Some time ago, I invited Robert Smith, Professor of Preaching at Beeson, to teach a doctoral course. This older, African American gentleman came and taught, and taught well. But what I remember was the day he preached in chapel. In walked this man in a suit, handkerchief folded just right in his coat pocket, shoes polished. But it was far more. There was an eloquence to match his dress. He did not come to be eye-catching, flashy, or ostentatious. He carried a certain presence, a reverence, a dignity that said—I serve a holy God who deserves nothing less than excellence. One could sense from how he carried himself that he too has developed a dignity code. I was reminded again of something we might be losing sight of, something that, as David Brooks puts it, has been completely
obliterated.
About John Johnson
I agree that we seem to have lost something. I remember going to the courthouse square with my grandfather as a young man and sitting with the “old men” whittling away on a piece of wood, carrying on conversations. One day, a funeral procession passed by and every one of the men there stopped what they were doing and stood while the procession passed by. I asked my grandfather if he knew who it was and he told me he didn’t. I then asked him why he stood and he responded, “Son, showing respect to the dead and the grieving family is the right thing to do.”
I think that the word he used, “respect,” is what is missing today. There is so little respect for anybody or anything and it shows in our cultural attitudes, our actions, our behaviors, our reverence for God. When we as a culture loose respect for the God of all, there is no way that it cannot trickle down and affect everything else.
I think you have made a wonderful observation and are “spot-on” in your post.
The answer to all these good questions is “Yes.” We in general have become gradually less and less silently and seriously respectful in our services and perhaps in our lifestyles.
Thank you. I love to be casual, but there are times when I just don’t think it is proper. More than dress though I the way we conduct ourselves when respect should be given. It is frustrating to me when we bring parents of kids in and they don’t stop talking during a program. I think we are loosing something and it is not good.
For the sake of being overly sarcastic I will just state JESUS wore a dirty, smelly tunic and sandals. The same stuff day in and day out. To say that because I recognize the holiness of GOD I should wear a certain style of clothing is to misconstrue the things that are important to GOD. Find a instance in Scripture where JESUS cares even a little bit what someone is wearing or where HE even comments on what someone is wearing to show that HE even noticed. I want to focus on what JESUS focused on, not whether someone is wearing flip-flops or penny loafers. (I tried to make it through the whole thing without being sarcastic, sorry)
Paul,
Jesus didn’t have automatic washer and dryers either. Read the requirement of the Israelites when they were to meet God at Mt Sinai. They were quite specific.
Mary, do you believe we meet with GOD in the same manner that the Israelites did at Mt Sinai when we walk into whatever building we choose to worship in on a Sunday morning or Saturday night?
If I pray to GOD in my room and worship HIM there is it different than the building I go to on Sunday?
And when you read the book of Acts do you ever see the Apostles laying out dress requirements of the people or even as you read through Paul’s letters to Timothy and Titus do you ever see him putting any emphasis on the way that they dress?
In fact in 1 Timothy 2:9 and 1 Peter 3:3 it would actually seem that they are telling us to be MORE casual with what we wear to church and James 2:3-4 calls us not to judge anyone who comes into church by what they wear and condemns that kind of discrimination…
Just some thoughts.
What I find disturbing is the lack of an attitude of modesty. This doesn’t merely pertain to displays of flesh—-it is more the attitude of trying not to dazzle others with elitist or provocative clothing, and thus seeking certain advantages. It diminishes what should be a positive character and personality in order to flaunt a competitive, snarky nature, It is saying that godly character is not worth it, but my personal ambitions are. Though Muslim culture may carry it too far, they recognize that there is a principle in not glorifying ones’ person through provocative or elitist clothing. Particularly offensive, IMO, are Church-raised pop stars like Britney Spears or Mariah Carey who unabashedly make use of all of their physical assets to make more money and still want to be regarded as Christian people. It’s not so much casual or slovenly style but the ulterior purpose of the choice of dress. I ‘m not making a call for black high top shoes and old fashioned hose nor fuddy fashions, but there is a way of dressing that brings less attention to the self and more to Grace.
Tasteful casual clothing has advantages and it helps reduce the distinctions between religious culture and secular culture.A good thing to tone down the culture war.
You are correct that something has been lost. And it is very significant.
When we do something for someone else and if it matters to us, then we put effort into preparation in showing deference to them. We even, dare I say it in the post modern world, do things that are not completely for our comfort and ease.
In the situation at hand. the underlying belief is that it is not necessary to put yourself out for either others or for the Lord. They and He will (or should) accept whatever is comfortable for you. That may sound extreme, but it is a matter of degrees in practice. Nonetheless, the underlying attitude is that same. Further, once adopted, this attitude will always migrate to other areas of life and ministry.
Going out of ones way to appear and act appropriately (in a way that says you care and want to please the other) before the Lord speaks of an attitude of heart. It also speaks to other believers and even non-believers about attitude towards the Lord. If you convey the attitude that no effort is necessary for the Lord, why would they not project that concept onto all of His requirements?
The increasingly relaxed attitude, that whatever we might want is fine with the Lord, is a significant diversion from all Scriptural models. That is very significant and the surface manifestations you are addressing should concern any believer.
Appreciate your insights, John! I wonder if our carelessness and “anything goes” mentality of dress betrays a lack of seriousness in what we are doing, a loss of respect for what we’re doing when we gather to worship, and (perhaps) an insecurity that the surrounding culture might accuse us of being uptight. It truly IS a matter of the heart, as you’ve addressed. I routinely see folks come into worship dressed in their very best clothing–which might be an old, worn-out pair of Levis, carefully washed and pressed to wear to the most important part of their week–worship! It is truly the best they have, and all they can afford until they get back on their feet again. At the same time, I see very wealthy folks come in dressed more for the social activities they have planned for after the service!
Thank you. I thought that I was the only one (or, one of the few) who was thinking along these lines.
Great post, John!
My mom and I have this conversation ALL the time! As native Kenyans, transitioning to a culture where so much (too much, i dare say) is casual was, and still is difficult.
I can still recall the day i was at a high school event that begun with the singing of the national anthem and so many students kept talking without so much as an attempt to pretend they were attentive. I was aghast! To do that in my country at a school function was akin to blasphemy and resulted in disciplinary action. It’s a silly example, i know. But that was the beginning of my confusion about what is and isn’t considered “sacred” in the culture.
Sometimes I think that we’ve pushed this desire to be authentic so far, we’ve sacrificied other virtues in the process.
And I can’t help but wonder how this translates to our reverence for God as our Supreme Authority.
“everyone did what was right in their own eyes”
Schools are beginning to implement uniforms, having discovered that how a student dresses really does affect both attitude and performance. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be casual – sandals and capris form the foundation for my summer wardrobe – but as we become casual in dress, our attitudes have followed. I do my best not to let the clothing aspect of this worry me, but the casual impropriety you have noticed truly DOES bother me. It is an extension of selfishness, of being completely inconsiderate to others. Our morning service is a constant stream of shuffling as people get up, come back with coffee, whisper to one another, and text. I think the schools are onto something, but churches would not mandate. A return to propriety would need to be modeled by leadership, although I believe the “rightness” of reverence and respect would be attractive to everyone. “Consider others as more important than yourself…”
I have no objection to casual clothes if it is the best the person has. I think we should always wear our best to church, whatever our best is. After all we are going to meet our best friend who is closer than a brother and the Most High God who is so holy. But I do flinch when someone wears short shorts.